WEDDINGS

Our grandson’s recent wedding having been a high spot in our lives, the theme of nuptial ceremonies and the various ways marriages are celebrated both within Judaism and in other religions has been uppermost in our minds lately which explains this month’s topic.

A CHURCH WEDDING

We have been to an interesting variety of wedding ceremonies in our lives, not all of them Jewish but perhaps the most unusual one for people of our background was that of the daughter of a titled family held in a small church in a picturesque country village near Banbury. The reasons we became involved with the family and were invited to the wedding are too complicated to explain here but we felt compelled to accept and decided to keep a low profile, sit at the back of the church and pay only the briefest of visits to the reception. Our plans were foiled, however, when on arrival at the outskirts of the village our car was stopped by a young man dressed in a morning suit, the same attire worn by all the guests except Norman and the family gardener, who, having asked our names, arranged for us to park in a reserved spot immediately outside the church where we were met by the grandmother of the bride, Lady S-, who linked her arm in Lola’s and escorted us to the front of the church where seats had been reserved for us in the midst of the family. Our main memory, apart from the embarrassment of the situation, was of the beautiful organ music and the overwhelming scent from the many beautiful flower arrangements. We have to say that the wedding reception, held in a chilly damp marquee, where the repast consisted of paper thin and very dry sandwiches, wedding cake and warm champagne did not live up to the beauty of the ceremony.

A SIKH WEDDING

Another memorable celebration was a Sikh wedding of one of the five lovely daughters’ of Leamington & Warwick’s Race Relations Officer, which stands out in our minds for the brilliantly coloured clothes worn by the women, the dazzling beauty of the bride , unusual music and tooth-achingly sweet delicacies served at the reception.

OUR GRANDSON’S WEDDING

Our grandson’s wedding had all the necessary traditions of chuppah, brachot, ketubah and the couple were married by our very own rabbi and friend from our Gilo shul, but was, happily, unlike some weddings we have attended in Israel, not overly religious. We have been to a number where men and women were seated separately and even one where the sexes were completely separated in different halls. These experiences were such that we now find we have a previous engagement when invited to similar celebrations. Almost all the weddings we attend in Israel have separate sex dancing even if the sexes are permitted to mingle during the meal but this can be fun. Lola is always amazed at the intricate dance steps, skilfully carried out by the young women who attend religious schools and seminaries and who have obviously devoted a great deal of time to learning them. Norman usually refuses to join in as the young men are alarmingly boisterous and he feels in danger of being knocked off his feet or worse. Not an unfounded fear as some years ago in Jerusalem, the floor of a wedding hall collapsed because of this kind of manic dancing and, tragically, a number of guests were killed and many injured. The older men, however, tend to shuffle around the floor, doing their duty and looking like zombies, not at all Norman’s style having done a nifty tango in his youth. Every wedding we ever go to, religious or otherwise, has one thing in common, over-loud music that makes conversation impossible and often causes the room to vibrate. We were grateful that at our grandson’s celebration, the music, for the mixed dancing that we have to admit to still enjoying, did not reach that pitch until later in the evening so that the guests were all able to enjoy talking to each other during the excellent meal.

INFORMAILITY

I think what surprised the guests from the U.K and America at the recent event was the informality of the occasion, the way the bride and bridegroom mingled with the guests prior to the ceremony and how guests hugged them and patted them on the back as they walked together to the chuppah.. Had it been a really Orthodox wedding the bridegroom would have been secluded with the officiating rabbi, the witnesses and several bottles of whiskey, prior to the chuppah, while the bride would have been sitting quietly, reciting psalms. Not so on this occasion.

ISRAELI WEDDING HALLS

Israeli weddings also tend to be huge, as second and third cousins plus their offspring as well as most of the family’s neighbours and work associates have to be invited, so it’s not unusual for there to be a guest list of 600 and more, although at our recent family event the number was, with difficulty and at the risk of offending a few people, kept down to 460. More and more, large wedding halls are springing up all over Israel, some just simple rooms, others ostentatiously palatial and there are many outdoor venues for summer events. The hall in Jaffa, selected for our grandson’s wedding had a glass wall, overlooking the sea with a stunning view of the Tel Aviv-Jaffa coastline and was, we thought, elegant and in good taste. (Well, we would think that wouldn’t we?) All in all, the setting was delightful, the food delicious and it was a joyful and happy occasion, shared with family and special friends, in fact, all that one could wish for from a simcha. We shall be looking at the photographs and recalling the memories of the evening , hopefully, for many years to come.